Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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