Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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