my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
