I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
