His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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