Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Boobs speak an international language.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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