I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
