She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
