I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Welp...herpes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i drank out of a bidet.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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