last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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