Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
