I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my liver is dry heaving
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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