My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
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