his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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