So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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