I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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