So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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