It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
