Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
