Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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