i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No stitches, just platelets and will power
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
