don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
