Your tits are I can't wait for
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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