Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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