Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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