someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
