I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
