16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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