never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
