i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
