Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
