Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We need to get me chipped asap
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
