I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
