moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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