It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
