sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
