it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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