Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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