Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
