Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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