i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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