p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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