oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
