i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
