6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
