Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
