hotel room ftw
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Randomize
