I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
