I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
