I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
