apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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